Feelings

I HATE the feelings of being fat and wanting to restrict, and omit my insulin, but the answer is NOT to cheat and NOT to restrict insulin and food, because simply losing weight and being ketotic will NOT make me feel any better. And I know that. But what would make a person struggling with those feelings feel better? Could she be as loving and supportive to herself as she is to others? Could she do something loving for her body? I don't know what that would be, but there must be something. Can she find the courage to be grateful to her body for giving her life and letting her do the things you want to do? Can she see that there is SO much more to her than just her body, and that she is a worthwhile and lovable human being no matter what?

Your body is NOT the enemy. It is your friend, and it will give you the chance to live and love, as long as you let it. The hard part is letting it. Those crummy feelings that come up are just that -- feelings. They are NOT reality. You are NOT ugly, and you may not even be seeing your size accurately -- your body image may be quite distorted, and you need a reality check there, too. Can you understand and believe that you eat and take insulin in order to nourish your body so it can serve you well? If you can believe that, and stop judging and criticizing yourself, then the guilt simply goes away, and you stop hating yourself without even trying.

The REAL enemy is the eating disorder. Call him Ed. He's abusive, and he cajoles you into thinking you have to depend on him in order to be loved, but he's a liar and a cheat, and you DON'T need him in your life. Get a divorce!