Inspiration

Today's WEGO prompt asks us to "Find a quote that inspires you (either positively or negatively) and free write about it for 15 minutes."

Well, I'm going to be egotistical and use my own words.

"Blood is thicker than water, but water tastes better."

I should know, because, like many diabetics, I've licked my finger after testing. :-)

But my real reason for choosing this little aphorism is that without my friends, I would never have made it this far. I'm not going to name names for fear of leaving someone out, but you, my friends, know who you are.

When I was first struggling with whether I had diabetes or not -- the doctors and CDEs were giving me conflicting information and I was angry, bitter, confused, and in denial, there were the friends on misc.health.diabetes, as well as my best friend from Jr. High, who listened to my rants and encouraged me to do what was best for my health, whether or not I had diabetes, and plugged me into information sources, and did all the things that the medical professionals in their offices could never do. My family couldn't do that, either, because much as they loved me, they had no idea what I was going through, nor how to help. I was an emotional wreck, and these people, most of whom had never met me in person, listened to me and supported me and loved me anyway.

As the years went on, and I learned more about diabetes, my friends encouraged me to start taking a more active role in mentoring other people on the internet, which has also brought me great satisfaction and helped me learn even more by having to teach it.

I have always had a problem with food, body image and the bad press that T2 gets. And as time continued to pass (it always does), it became more and more apparent that I was NOT the classic T2. I hadn't responded to the sulfonylureas I was originally put on, and went on insulin 5 months after my diagnosis, but I was always troubled by questions as to what type of diabetes I had, and my REAL wish was for it to go away while I was not looking. Losing weight didn't help (but I was never obese to begin with), exercise didn't help, and eating low-carb didn't allow me to get off insulin, either. With the help of friends on TuDiabetes, I finally found my peace with my diabetes -- I found the courage to have my C-peptide tested (it turned out to be low), and I have come to accept that the diabetes will never go away, and it's NOT my fault!

When I binged myself into a coma in Sep. 2010, my friends came looking for me in the evening after I didn't show up for a picnic, and found me slipping into unconsciousness, and got me to the hospital. The doc there said if they hadn't found me, I would have been dead by morning. So, while I was in the hospital, in really bad shape, they took care of my cats, cleaned my house, dealt with the city wanting to fine me because the tree in my front yard was overgrown, and still found time to visit me in the hospital and phone me regularly.

And now, as I have finally admitted that I DO have a real problem with food, weight and body image, my old friends and my new friends are supporting me in the decision to get help for it. It is very painful for me to come clean about this truth -- my impulse is to appear to be the "perfect" diabetic, but I'm not. Not by a long stretch.

And finally, I have to mention Diabetes Advocates, who have graciously welcomed me into their midst, even though I am a beginner at diabetes advocacy, and a computer illiterate. I really feel I have to give back to all the beautiful people who have contributed so much to my life by paying it forward as best as I can.

You are beautiful people, all of you! :-)