Well, one of my dearest friends has been near death for 2 weeks, and I responded as usual, by manipulating food and insulin, which I know is not the world's best way of coping with grief and worry. So I asked my psychiatrist to increase my antidepressant AND I talked to Lorraine, the dietitian/therapist about the fact that all I could find comfort in was either bingeing or overdoing the sleeping pills. Again, not the world's best way of coping. So we decided that it might be a good idea if I went back and attended some of the groups at CFH. And made a commitment to eat something 3 times a day, even if it's not a "balanced" meal, which I sometimes just can't face. Starting on Monday.
So the good news is that my friend miraculously came out of her coma last Tuesday -- it was NOT expected by the doctors, who had been advising the family to pull the plug. She is weak and being taken care of in a nursing home, but at least it means that I get a little more time with her -- not going to lose her just yet.
So I've been on an emotional rollercoaster, and now that I've come down from the euphoria of knowing that my friend has survived, I realize that I'm on a downward spiral again, and even though I don't like groups, maybe it will help me get back on track again. Because I know I'm doing behaviors that aren't quite right. Like, yeah, I've been eating 3 times a day, but keeping the portions small, and sometimes just a piece of fruit and a cup of tea or coffee. And by that time, I'm full. And I don't WANT to eat any more than that.
So I'm going to have to do some work on portion sizes and meal composition and variety, because I find those very difficult. But at least I'm in a place I can work on them, now that the worry about my friend has been lifted.