Thursday, April 12, 2012

Stream of consciousness day

Well, this is a kind of follow-up to the blog I wrote about me.

I have finally come to the point of having enough strength to admit that I have problems with food, and the desire to do something about it. The picky eating, the diabetes, and the problems with both bingeing and starving myself make for a complex situation.

Right now, I am struggling with the fact that if I eat only a minimum, it's much easier to control my blood sugars. But when the minimum means one cup of milk in the morning, and a cup and a half of Greek yogurt in the afternoon, and frequently nothing else, that is really not a nutritionally complete diet.

I am considering going into an eating-disorders program which has a diabetes component. This means that the staff has dealt with diabetics before, which is comforting. On the other hand, they have never dealt with ME, unique zebra-creature that I am. And that is scary.

So I am looking at this huge step with a mixture of hope and trepidation. I am not a diabulimic teenager, and my health is stable, so I'm not in crisis, but still, I may have a couple of decades left in me, and my thinking mind says I should attempt to live them as healthily as possible.

One of my fears is the wide diversity of opinion as to what constitutes a healthy diet. I have considered all the sides that I have been able to discover, but in the end, I guess my picky eating and my diabetes have the final say. It might be healthy to eat walnuts, but I can't tolerate them, and it might be healthy to eat whole-grain bread and oatmeal, but my diabetes says no. And, like many, I fear weight gain -- I HAVE lost weight on my restricted eating, and while my weight is in the "normal" category, I'm certainly not thin.

So I plan to enter the program next week, but meanwhile, I'm living with a lot of anxiety, and my little devil eating-disorder friend is desperately trying to talk me out of it. And I'm just trying to hang on.


  1. I can so relate… starvation and then eating everything in sight! But I'm loathe to admit it myself, in public or on my blog! So I'm going to stay anonymous. You do know who I am!

    Be careful about the program… it will most probably be much higher carb than you expect, considering the education out there is about "healthy wholegrain", which we both know is a disaster for diabetes!

  2. Natalie, I hope that the program will work with you and your needs and goals. It is very hard to find the right balance of things.